I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
