So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
