Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
