I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So much Jack, so little girl.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
