You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
They are going to name an STD after you.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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