Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
