There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
