I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
