peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
