You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
