First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
