Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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