i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
