I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my shit smells like andre
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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