Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
