We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
