I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
