the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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