its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
