the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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