You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
