so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
