Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
