Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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