someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
