All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
