Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
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My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
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is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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