Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize