i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize