it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize