last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
