the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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