Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
