I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
