the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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