Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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