I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
