if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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