how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
