"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
