his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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