Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
