I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
pop tarts are not kleenex
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize