CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
