Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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