i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
