I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
