the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You peed on a flamingo?!?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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