You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
