I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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