apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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