...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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