At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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