im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
