I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
