Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
