i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I AM VODKA MAN
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
we should paint friendship bongs
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
