So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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