so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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