He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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