I wish my penis had an off switch
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
