Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
