He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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