The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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