Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
