Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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