I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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