Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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