You made me cry and you don't even care
I could make wine with my vomit
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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