so that wasnt chicken after all
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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