I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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