if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
